Today was my first day back at work. It feels like I have been gone for over a month and it was less than two weeks. I feel like a different person. Before I got there I was shaking and so emotionally on edge that I was terrified about how the day would go. I couldn't help, but think about how I should be home with a baby, about how purposeless I feel right now. I wasn't worried about how others would react, but how I would keep it together. Of course the first person I see doesn't know. I feel bad because it is awkward for people to find out like that. I feel really lucky that my good friends at work acted normal. They knew that is what I needed.
Luckily right now is really busy in the training department so I was loaded with awesome work when I got there that will keep me busy for the rest of the month! Seriously another gift. Not joking. I would so much rather bury myself in work then twiddle my thumbs all day with too much time to think. By the end of the day I was proud of myself for not breaking down once.
I made some personal goals today for myself now that I am back at work.
1-Make sure that I make Kyle my #1 top priority. He of course is, but sometimes I get wrapped up in tasks and being busy that I'm not present when I get home with Kyle. I am so in love with him and will never be able to express how grateful I am for who he is. He deserves the best version of me.
2-Be more productive at work. So for over five months I have had a crazy distraction. This adoption consumed my mind at all times (which it should have). Due to this consumption I was really half as awesome as I can be at work.
3-Be a better person. I can get wrapped up in drama and petty things so easily and I hate it. Deep down I actually love everyone and I try to understand what makes people the way they are. I am going to make a solid effort to be a kinder person, especially at work.
4-Learn new things. I don't know if that means me going back to school or learning a new instrument. I feel like I'm not progressing and it needs to change.
If you know me well you know that I am a goal oriented person and it keeps me moving forward. So hopefully I can focus on the things that I do have control over rather than trying so hard to change the things that I don't have control over.
I really did enjoy being back at work. It makes life seem normal-ish.